This thing should have been over last Tuesday! Does this mean that I have to take 3 more months of this absurd circus? Will Pennsylvania decide? Will Puerto Rico, the Masons, the elves, or the unicorns decide? All this could have been avoided if they had hired the right political consultants. No Axelrod, no Penn, no Solis-Doyle!!! They needed somebody with the iron will and determination to crush the opposition. They needed Vladimir Vladimirovich Putin. He can still help, he's no longer President of Russia, or so I'm told.
This is how it should have played out:
At a fundraising Christmas ball...
-Oh Mr. and Mrs. Zavabski, you make such lovely couple, and you have made many contribution to campaign. I think you should kiss under mistletoe and I take picture.
-But...that's an anvil hanging from a rope.
-Nyet, that is not anvil! That is Russian mistletoe, in honor of factory workers who died in Great Patriotic War.
-I believe we must go on fact finding mission in Afghanistan. Do not mind signs with skull on side of road...they are Afghan Halloween adornments.
-Oh, Ms. Miller our loyal treasurer...you look hungry. Here, have some sushi.
-Mrs. Chavez, I seem to have forgotten promotional material in car...yes, it is there in dark alley.
-Mr. Johnson, our loyal Public Relations Officer...have you had our delicious borscht? You look like you need some nourishment.
-In order to organize and plan strategy better, I suggest retreat in beautiful dacha I have in Tyumen. When you are there, please ask for some Gulag; it is beautiful Russian dish.
It would have been so easy...But now it may be too late. Whatever happens, better get used to these two words: President McCain*.
*I know, it hurts.