February 26, 2008

A Conspiracy?

As African Union troops-with logistical support from France-begins its military offensive to remove the president of The Republic of Anjouan, new details have emerged suggesting that the final objectives of this operation may not be the re-establishment of the rule of law or democracy in this island nation.

The Republic of Anjouan was formerly part of the The Comoros Islands ,whose main claim to fame was being close to the country with the most badass flag, and it became independent since 1997. Its relations with the Union of the Comoros and its president, Ahmed Abdalla Mohamed Sambi, have steadily deteriorated and reached a headway this year. Intelligence insiders have suggested; however, that the main goal of this operation may very well be securing the supply of Ylang Ylang oil, an ingredient used in most perfumes(Anjouan is the World's primary supplier).

Anjouan's dapper, fragrant President

"We know that the multinational perfume corporations are the ones who are pushing for this imperialist aggression, but this will not stand," said Anjouan President Mohamed Bacar , and added that "May Allah cut the heads of the Estée Lauder, Chanel Hydra! We will fight them on the beaches, we will fight them in the mountains; they shall not resist our scented hand-grenades, our perfumed arrows, they shall inhale the sweet sweet smell of our patrimony, our Ylang-Ylang, and their will shall come undone, Inshallah!!! We shall be victorious."

When reached for comment, a spokesperson for the European Perfumists Association denied these allegations, "It is ludicrous to suggest that we would invade or support the invasion of a country for any oil."

Military analysts have suggested that the African Union troops may have contracted the services of Executive Outcomes, a mercenary company based in South Africa, in order to counteract the "Ylang-Ylang" advantage of the Anjouan defense forces. "The introduction of company-sized Civet combat units and their musky capabilities may very well shift the balance of power in the theatre of operations," said the military expert Jon Van Stoergen.

Mercenary civets on routine patrol in Tanzania

"Let them come," Bacar retorted. "Their flea ridden, urine-reeking oversized rats will be no match for our ambrosial, aromatic, and delectably delicious determination. Long live a free odoriferous Anjouan!"

Anjouan, with a population of 634,000, has suffered 19 beautifully scented coups since 1975.

February 25, 2008

But is he Good for Anything?

Again, there are people asking: Is Obama good for the Jews? I don't think he will be that much different from the Clintons, Bush or McCain regarding the Israeli-Palestinian issue if he finally becomes President. Certain Jewish groups have accused him on not being sufficiently supportive of Israel, and the way some see him-erroneously mind you-, if he keeps his so called "moderate" stance, he will scare away potential jewish donors, and the Republicans will pounce on him at the very least as weak, or at the very worst as a terrorist appeaser.
But let's see what this accredited Fatah member has said:

On march 2, 2007:

"...we must preserve our total commitment toour unique defense relationship with Israel by fully funding military assistance and continuing work on the Arrow and related missile defense programs. This would help Israel maintain its military edge and deter andrepel attacks from as far as Tehran and as close as Gaza. Andwhen Israel is attacked, we must stand up for Israel’s legitimate rightto defend itself. Last summer, Hezbollah attacked Israel. By usingLebanon as an outpost for terrorism, and innocent people as shields, Hezbollah has also engulfed that entire nation in violence and conflict,and threatened the fledgling movement for democracy there. "

Granted, he did put more pressure on Israel to achieve a diplomatic solution, but again, this is no different from what previous administrations have tried, or said to have tried.

"But in the end, we also know that we should never seek to dictate what isbest for the Israelis and their security interests. No Israeli PrimeMinister should ever feel dragged to or blocked from the negotiating table by the United States."

Right....pretty please...make peace! We'll just watch from over here...

Ok, so he didn't go to rallies supporting the Israeli air campaign and land incursion into Lebanon in 2006 as Hillary did, but he did vote to support it. And he didn't support the Iraq War vote, which was endorsed by the Israeli Far-right. But in many fundamental issues, he did not stray too far away from the mainstream.

But you know what? Right now I don't really care if Obama is good for the Jews, the Surinamese, or the Hobbits. The real question is: Is Obama good for the Flu? Because I could really use some Luo Tribesman, "Muslimist", or native Hawaiian remedy right now to relieve my throbbing headache and congested, mucus ridden lungs . And for the record, we actually found out who obama really is NOT good for: Mariachi Bands.