February 26, 2008

A Conspiracy?

As African Union troops-with logistical support from France-begins its military offensive to remove the president of The Republic of Anjouan, new details have emerged suggesting that the final objectives of this operation may not be the re-establishment of the rule of law or democracy in this island nation.

The Republic of Anjouan was formerly part of the The Comoros Islands ,whose main claim to fame was being close to the country with the most badass flag, and it became independent since 1997. Its relations with the Union of the Comoros and its president, Ahmed Abdalla Mohamed Sambi, have steadily deteriorated and reached a headway this year. Intelligence insiders have suggested; however, that the main goal of this operation may very well be securing the supply of Ylang Ylang oil, an ingredient used in most perfumes(Anjouan is the World's primary supplier).

Anjouan's dapper, fragrant President

"We know that the multinational perfume corporations are the ones who are pushing for this imperialist aggression, but this will not stand," said Anjouan President Mohamed Bacar , and added that "May Allah cut the heads of the Estée Lauder, Chanel Hydra! We will fight them on the beaches, we will fight them in the mountains; they shall not resist our scented hand-grenades, our perfumed arrows, they shall inhale the sweet sweet smell of our patrimony, our Ylang-Ylang, and their will shall come undone, Inshallah!!! We shall be victorious."

When reached for comment, a spokesperson for the European Perfumists Association denied these allegations, "It is ludicrous to suggest that we would invade or support the invasion of a country for any oil."

Military analysts have suggested that the African Union troops may have contracted the services of Executive Outcomes, a mercenary company based in South Africa, in order to counteract the "Ylang-Ylang" advantage of the Anjouan defense forces. "The introduction of company-sized Civet combat units and their musky capabilities may very well shift the balance of power in the theatre of operations," said the military expert Jon Van Stoergen.

Mercenary civets on routine patrol in Tanzania

"Let them come," Bacar retorted. "Their flea ridden, urine-reeking oversized rats will be no match for our ambrosial, aromatic, and delectably delicious determination. Long live a free odoriferous Anjouan!"

Anjouan, with a population of 634,000, has suffered 19 beautifully scented coups since 1975.

1 comment:

morituri said...

Welcome back you busy bee! Methinks though that there is a more sinister force behind the coup. Hippies. I said it. Freaking hippies. They need the ylang ylang for patchouli. So the hippies are behind this dastardly deed.

Again, welcome back Mr. Drone.