September 20, 2006

The Blue Drone Asks:

What the hell is going on in Space?!

Atlantis Landing Delayed After Mystery Object Spotted
shuttle managers are deciding whether simple camera views, a third heat shield survey or possibly even a spacewalk may be required to address a mystery object near the space shuttle Atlantis that has already delayed the spacecraft’s planned Wednesday landing.

Our team of expert scientists at Blue Drone headquarters have studied these objects and have concluded that the first one...

is only an improperly discarded "Take 5" candy wrapper, wedged between the tiles by NASA contractor in Cape Canaveral. Either that or a space slug, that in any case will safely be incinerated upon reentry without any further damage to the insulation tiles, unless it's a Super Killer Space Slug of World Destruction...then we will all be doomed.

The second object is a bit harder to identify:

Our experts have yet to agree on an explanation as to what exactly this is. Some say it's a floating see-through skirt ejected from the Russian Zvezda Module after some serious partying with a group of Bolshoi ballerinas flown in an unscheduled Vostok launch. Others say its a Super Killer Giant Space Jellyfish-like creature working in conjuction with the Super Killer Space Slug attached to the Shuttle. If that is the case then we will truly be royally screwed.

Not that it will matter to the Russians in the Zvezda Module:

Space Station Crew Detects Smoke-like Smell in Russian Segment
CAPE CANAVERAL, Fla. – A mild toxic leak and a smoke-like smell aboard the International Space Station (ISS) prompted an afternoon scare for three astronauts aboard the orbital laboratory, mission managers said Monday.

Smoke like smell eh...

“Everything is good, everything is fine,” Expedition 13 commander Pavel Vinogradov told Russian ISS mission controllers in Moscow, adding that he had contained the apparent leak in a rubber bag.

Yeah, of course everything is fine when your brain is fried on some primo ganja...Hmm, is that how you make a bong in zero gravity? Our sources obtained an unedited clip of the transmission and one could faintly hear some reggae music in the background, along with some giggling. Commander Vinogradov was also heard saying: "Когда пица приходит?"... which is Russian for "When's the Pizza coming?"

“I believe that the rubber seal produced that odor,” Vinogradov said, adding that the Elektron appeared to stop leaking after he shut it off.

You're not fooling anyone Vinogradov!


Anonymous said...

Heh, great stuff. Bookmarked!

La Caribeña said...

That white thingy looks like a lost IUV that the first female austronaut decided to throw away during her first trip.

Annette said...

Astronautas con munchies y pavera, me muero!!!