September 5, 2006
Josef Von Teufel: Bibliomancer, Visionary...Silly Man(so says The Blue Drone)
Greetings, adoring public and faithful followers of sideral bibliomancy. I have indeed returned to reveal truths and answer the questions that befuddle all. This week my fingers will caress the pages of XIX Century philosophy and guide your way towards fullness and happiness. And I will achieve this feat despite the fact that this mensch was considered-though not entirely accurately-to be quite the pessimist. Those Germans, and their German ways...but in any case, let us proceed....
Aquarius(Jan 20-Feb 18)
"A good supply of resignation is of the first importance in providing for the journey of life. It is a supply which we shall have to extract from disappointed hopes; and the sooner we do it, the better for the rest of the journey."
Your object of affection, I am sorry to say, does not love you back. Move on Aquarius, there are more fish in the sea...that will reject you. Also, Red Sox fans, give up! They're not even making the division championships this year.
Pisces(Feb 19-Mar 20)
"In the sphere of thought, absurdity and perversity remain the masters of the world, and their dominion is suspended only for brief periods."
And I suspect that in your case these periods only involve sleep. Cease to watch this "television" and read "Gossip magazines", lest you become an insufferable idiot.
Aries(Mar 21-Apr 19)
"The actual life of a thought lasts only until it reaches the point of speech: there it petrifies and is henceforth dead but indestructible, like the petrified plants and animals of prehistory. As soon as our thinking has found words it ceases to be sincere or at bottom serious. When it begins to exist for others it ceases to live in us, just as the child severs itself from its mother when it enters into its own existence."
Shut your trap, if you know what's good for you. Silence...is golden.
Taurus(Apr 20-May 20)
"What makes us almost inevitably ridiculous is our serious way of treating the passing moment, as though it necessarily had all the importance which it seems to have. It is only a few great minds that are above this weakness, and, instead of being laughed at, have come to laugh themselves."
It matters not that you have been laid off, slipped on a banana peel, then got hit by a car and suffered 4 compound fractures within a period of 30 minutes. Laugh, even if it is a Pyscho-homicidal laugh.
Gemini(May 21-Jun 21)
"It is just because all happiness is of a negative character that, when we succeed in being perfectly at our ease, we are not properly conscious of it. Everything seems to pass us softly and gently, and hardly to touch us until the moment is over; and then it is the positive feeling of something lacking that tells us of the happiness which has vanished; it is then that we observe that we have failed to hold it fast, and we suffer the pangs of self-reproach as well as of privation."
That's the feeling you get when you stop reading Josef Von Teufel's wise words.
Cancer(Jun 22-Jul 22)
"Money is human happiness in the abstract: he, then, who is no longer capable of enjoying human happiness in the concrete devotes his heart entirely to money."
Cancer, I care for your happiness in the concrete! Give away your wealth...to me! So as to purchase more, err...volumes of books, yes, that's the ticket.
Leo(Jul 22-Aug 22)
"Many undoubtedly owe their good fortune to the circumstance that they possess a pleasing smile with which they win hearts. Yet these hearts would do better to beware and to learn from Hamlet's tables that one may smile, and smile, and be a villain."
She's faking it...you know, in bed.
Virgo(Aug 23-Sep 22)
"Why should it be folly to be always intent on getting the greatest possible enjoyment out of the moment, which is our only sure possession? Our whole life is no more than a magnified present, and in itself as fleeting."
Great Outlook on life Virgo, you are a champion and a wise man and will go on to achieve great knowledge and fame. ahem!
Libra(Sep 23-Oct 22)
"It is not without meaning that mythology depicts Cronus as devouring and digesting stones: for that which is otherwise quite indigestible, all affliction, vexation, loss, grief, time alone digests."
You once tried to swallow and digest pride along with some heartache, with a side of dejection in a sweet mango sauce. Now had it not been for those stones you were passing you would have pulled it off. This is what you get for trying to imitate a Titan: Gastrointeritis Acuta.
Scorpio(Oct 23-Nov 22)
"If you want to know how you really feel about someone take note of the impression an unexpected letter from him makes on you when you first see it on the doormat."
True, but I still think you should reply to those 357 unread messages in your inbox.
Sagittarius(Nov 23-Dec 21)
"Recognise the truth in yourself, recognise yourself in the truth; and in the same moment you will find, to your astonishment, that the home which you have long been looking for in vain, which has filled your most ardent dreams, is there in its entirety, with every detail of it true, in the very place where you stand. It is there that your heaven touches your earth."
As your legal and spiritual counsel I advise you to follow this to the letter, mixed with some song and dance...aye.
Capricorn(Dec 22-Jan 19)
"Marriage is a trap which nature sets for us"