Crap!

-You should go out if it's so nice, go out for a walk.
-Yes, I think I should...I'll leave now!

And so the events were set in motion for one of the most shattering humiliations suffered by The Blue Drone. I set upon what was supposed to be a leisurely holiday stroll. I crossed 16th Street, book bag slung over my shoulder, feeling quite at ease and enjoying the pleasant 70 degree temperature, and then...it happened.
Something hit my forehead, it felt warm, soft and mushy and started trickling down my glasses and down my tender blue cheek. No, this cannot be...even as I saw my vision blurred by a greenish ooze, like when horror movie titles start trickling blood, except this wasn't blood. I had been shat on by a bird...on my face.

There were many passersby, and I had to scramble and find a leaf to clean my precious precious visage, I could see them laugh at me, mock me for a tragic event that in no way I could have prevented. Just a sick sick joke that some godforsaken Starling or Sparrow decided to play on me.
Some say it is good luck to be shat on by a bird. I can see a valid point in this, since if you are defecated on...in public, well...nothing could be more ignoble, except maybe being shat on by an elephant or shit-sprayed by a hippo, which reminds me to be more careful next time I go to the zoo. And I suppose that since birds have cloacas it serves as double the humiliation...being shat and peed on at the same time.

Now, this is where I would normally start adding historical references like "The Greeks thought that bird droppings represented a so-so harvest" or "The Babylonians said that if a bird defecated on you face, it meant that you were a cuckold" and so forth. Except, I didn't find any historical references to bird droppings and luck. What I DID find instead were countless weblog entries detailing "being pooped on by a bird" experiences...and it didn't make me feel special or original...at all. Goddammit I was pooped on!!! I'm special!!! I am!! I really am!!! Am I? Not really.

So the moral of the story is this:

1. It is sometimes better to stay indoors, even if its "really nice" outside.

2. You are not special...you might think you are, but you are NOT.

3. There is no relation between bird droppings and luck, and whoever came up with that is full of (bird)shit!*

*This closing line was probably used by about 300,742 "shat on by a bird" weblog entries...DAMN YOU INTERNET!!!!

My my...

What a big head you have, errr...had! !
Is it just pent-up guilt for owing your fortune to your dad's use of Nazi slave labor? Feh! You dead anyway...But I cant help thinking of...

this guy when I see your picture.

The Blue Drone Asks:

I had a vague idea of what this meant when I started...Now I'm not so sure. Could you help me come up with a caption?

The Blue Drone Lives In A Folly...

No, I'm not at all referring to:
1. A lack of good sense, understanding, or foresight.
2. An act or instance of foolishness: "regretted the follies of his youth. "
3. A costly undertaking having an absurd or ruinous outcome.

Instead, I refer to this folly:

Architecture. a whimsical or extravagant structure built to serve as a conversation piece, lend interest to a view, commemorate a person or event, etc.: found esp. in England in the 18th century.

Hey look at me!!! I'm the King Of The Folly!!! Mwahahahaha! It should be noted that my folly includes an interior pool with capybaras, an apiary for my, ahem... pleasure, and a room with gigantic tapestries...made of bacon, MmmmMmm Baacoonn!

Other notable follies here, but mine is better.

Any recommendations on how to further fix up my folly?

The Blue Drone Confesses...

A worker bee friend of mine recently remarked about my musical tastes: "I bet all you listen to is Pansy-Ass rock!". I was taken aback by the comment. How could that be? I like music that rocks...hard, preferably at ear-splitting decibel levels. I thought long and hard on this, until I realized that maybe, just maybe...my friend could be right.
So, I confess, yes...I like Pansy-Ass rock...and in order to revel in my Pansy-Ass Rockiness I will post not one, but three videos from a band that may be a quintessential example of said genre:

"Something 4 the Weekend"


"If You Don't Want me to Destroy You"

"Lazer Beam"

The Blue Drone: Pansy-Ass Rocker...possibly even a communist!

The Blue Drone Goes Oink!

I knew it all along...

Who's a cute little piggy? Oh, you are!

Who's the prettiest most adorable lucky piggy? You are you are!!Oh look at you so precious and pink with your cute little hooves! awww.

Who's the bestest...tastiest piggy? You are! CHOMP!

Oh, the pig... In Buddhist tradion it sometimes represents the deity called 'Varahi', who is:

The boar-faced goddess who protects Newari (Nepalese) temples and buildings, Varahi or Barahi, refers to any of 4 sow deities who preside over Kathmandu Valley, Nepal. They guard the gates of the city-as-mandala.

In Egypt:

-Nuut, the Egyptian goddess of the night, Mother of Stars, was sometimes depicted on amulets as a sow suckling her piglets.

In Greece:

Swine were sacred to Demeter, goddess of the earth's fertility, who was the mother of Persephone, queen of the underworld. In autumn, during the rites of Thesmophoria, her devotees drove a herd of swine into a labyrinthine cave. Later, they would return to see if the deity had accepted this offering by examining the condition of any pig carcasses that might remain.

The pig truly is a wonderful, magical animal! Strong, powerful, noble, highly intelligent, harbringer of good luck, and also...

Quite delicious!!! Ich muss Schwein essen!!!

The Blue Drone presents: Gratuitous Mid-Morning Samurai Violence Starring Toshiro Mifune.

Because I'm feeling un-original this morning....

The Blue Drone Asks:

What the hell is going on in Space?!

Atlantis Landing Delayed After Mystery Object Spotted
CAPE CANAVERAL, Fla. – NASA shuttle managers are deciding whether simple camera views, a third heat shield survey or possibly even a spacewalk may be required to address a mystery object near the space shuttle Atlantis that has already delayed the spacecraft’s planned Wednesday landing.

Our team of expert scientists at Blue Drone headquarters have studied these objects and have concluded that the first one...



is only an improperly discarded "Take 5" candy wrapper, wedged between the tiles by NASA contractor in Cape Canaveral. Either that or a space slug, that in any case will safely be incinerated upon reentry without any further damage to the insulation tiles, unless it's a Super Killer Space Slug of World Destruction...then we will all be doomed.

The second object is a bit harder to identify:

Our experts have yet to agree on an explanation as to what exactly this is. Some say it's a floating see-through skirt ejected from the Russian Zvezda Module after some serious partying with a group of Bolshoi ballerinas flown in an unscheduled Vostok launch. Others say its a Super Killer Giant Space Jellyfish-like creature working in conjuction with the Super Killer Space Slug attached to the Shuttle. If that is the case then we will truly be royally screwed.

Not that it will matter to the Russians in the Zvezda Module:

Space Station Crew Detects Smoke-like Smell in Russian Segment
CAPE CANAVERAL, Fla. – A mild toxic leak and a smoke-like smell aboard the International Space Station (ISS) prompted an afternoon scare for three astronauts aboard the orbital laboratory, mission managers said Monday.

Smoke like smell eh...

“Everything is good, everything is fine,” Expedition 13 commander Pavel Vinogradov told Russian ISS mission controllers in Moscow, adding that he had contained the apparent leak in a rubber bag.

Yeah, of course everything is fine when your brain is fried on some primo ganja...Hmm, is that how you make a bong in zero gravity? Our sources obtained an unedited clip of the transmission and one could faintly hear some reggae music in the background, along with some giggling. Commander Vinogradov was also heard saying: "Когда пица приходит?"... which is Russian for "When's the Pizza coming?"

“I believe that the rubber seal produced that odor,” Vinogradov said, adding that the Elektron appeared to stop leaking after he shut it off.

You're not fooling anyone Vinogradov!

Why?

I sometimes just don't understand human beings....

10 stingrays killed since Irwin's death
SYDNEY, Australia - At least 10 stingrays have been killed since "Crocodile Hunter" Steve Irwin was fatally injured by one of the fish, an official said Tuesday, prompting a spokesman for the late TV star's animal charity to urge people not take revenge on the animals.
Irwin died last week after a stingray barb pierced his chest as he recorded a show off the Great Barrier Reef.
Stingray bodies since have been discovered on two beaches in Queensland state on Australia's eastern coast. Two were discovered Tuesday with their tails lopped off, state fisheries department official Wayne Sumpton said.
Sumpton said fishermen who inadvertently catch the diamond-shaped rays sometimes cut off their tails to avoid being stung, but the practice was uncommon. Stingrays often are caught in fishing nets by mistake and should be returned to the sea, Sumpton said.

Now explain to me what purpose does this serve? Was this guy so popular in Australia to impel people to start killing stingrays? I always thought Australians were strange, but this is downright stoopid.
I didn't want to comment on this guy's death anyway. His death was tragic, yes, but something in me also tells me that the odds just caught up with him, and in fact, he reminds me a little bit of this guy.
Then again, as eccentric entertainers go, he was quite harmless, except when he dangled his baby son in front of a crocodile, and he did at least encourage learning about nature.
Now all this talk about Stingrays and Manta Rays brought back a song to my head, The Blue Drone sometimes being Mr. Literal Drone, and I'd like to play it as an eulogy of sorts to the Crocodile Dude...to the Manta Rays. It doesn't matter...take a pick, what is certain is that it's rockin'.

Tsk Tsk...

Looks like somebody wasn't following the step by step instructions:

Astronauts lose bolt during spacewalk
CAPE CANAVERAL, Fla. - Spacewalking astronauts worried they have may have gummed up a successful job connecting an addition to the international space station Tuesday when a bolt, spring and washer floated free.
Astronaut Joe Tanner was working with the bolt when it sprang loose, floated over the head of Heidemarie Stefanyshyn-Piper and skittered across the 17 1/2-ton box-like truss that they were hooking up.

Now I wonder what this guy would have said about this:


"Never let a mechanical engineer do a handyman's job!"

The Blue Drone Asks: What does this all mean?

1. I am walking on a sidewalk, a very wide sidewalk in a non-descript big city. It is cloudy, it has rained. I chat with a friend as we walk nonchalantly and I notice that the sidewalk is littered with thousands and thousands of wriggling earthworms. We start to tread carefully so as not to step on them, we get closer to the storefronts. Near one of the windows there is a heated grill, similar to a space heater. The Earthworms that have wandered close to the grill are withered and all dried up. We keep walking carefully. A chicken, just like the one in the picture above, starts moving...dragging itself along the sidewalk. All of a sudden a stranger, a girl, steps on it and squishes it, muttering something about saving the animal. End.
2. I am cleaning the bathtub. I apply a cleaning solution and start scrubbing. I scrub and scrub and scrub some more. Yet the bathtub remains dirty. I keep scrubbing and scrubbing and cleaning and water starts to accumulate. The bathtub is still dirty. I scrub and scrub until all the paint, porcelain, and metal are gone, revealing some underlying fiberglass-like material. It starts to soak up all the water and begins to bulge. End.

I was going to ask Josef Von Teufel about these two, but he's a hopeless charlatan and a silly man, so I decided to ask the Wikipedia instead.

Rapid eye movement (REM) sleep is the stage of sleep characterized by rapid movements of the eyes. During this stage, the activity of the brain's neurons is quite similar to that during waking hours; for this reason, the phenomenon is often called paradoxical sleep. Most of the vividly recalled dreams occur during REM sleep. It is the lightest form of sleep, and people awakened during REM usually feel alert and refreshed.
The function of REM sleep is not well understood; several theories have been advanced.
According to one theory, certain memories are consolidated during REM sleep. Numerous studies have suggested that REM sleep is important for consolidation of procedural and spatial memories. (Slow-wave sleep, part of non-REM sleep, appears to be important for declarative memories.)

Any other suggestions are welcome...

The Blue Drone checks the pulse of the nation...realizes there isn't any.

I was browsing through 'Yahoo News' and noticed that I am surrounded by idiots: Here are the 'Most e-mailed' news. Anger arose within me before I realized that it all fits with my master plan, as it is easier to control dimwits.

In other news, today's prize for most blatant promotion of disingenuous theory based on bad historical/scientific analogy goes to this article:
Climate change was once boost, not threat to civilization: scientist
LONDON (AFP) - Severe climate change thousands of years ago may have been a boost to civilization rather than the danger it appears to pose today, a British scientist said.
Between 4,000 and 6,000 years ago, natural fluctuations in the Earth's orbit weakened the monsoon rains and brought a more arid climate, the University of East Anglia's Nick Brooks told a science festival in Norwich, eastern England.
The seeds for the civilizations in Egypt, Iraq, South Asia, China and northern South America were sown when hunter-gatherer people then gravitated to the remaining water sources and settled in stable communities, he said Thursday.
His view contradicts that of many experts who believe civilization resulted from a transition from a harsh, unpredictable climate during the last ice age, to a more clement and stable environment 10,000 years ago.

Taking the theory at face value, the massive climate change provoked by the giant asteroid that wiped out the dinosaurs(just a theory as well) was also beneficial, because it eventually led to the further development of mammalian species. So, following that line of thinking, wouldn't we all benefit by a a friendly visit from a giant asteroid or more cataclismic events?
The article also fails to point out the fact that what took place 6,000 years ago was 'natural' climate change, not change induced by humans. Now, I will not get into the argument regarding what makes a natural event "natural", as I am aware that humans are not alien entities on the planet, but the article is written in such a way that suggests: "Hey, climate change is actually good so, don't worry about the scaremongers and hysterics, had it not been for it we wouldn't have the Great Pyramid of Giza, who knows how far we will go if we pursue our current ways."

I could'nt stop thinking that no serious scientist would promote such a hare-brained idea, unless he worked for a think tank paid for by a fossil-fuels company, and then I found an article about the same speech, but written by Reuters instead of Agence France Presse.

Climate change forged first civilizations: scientist
NORWICH (Reuters) - The earliest civilizations were not a product of favorable conditions but rather a last resort in the face of dramatic shifts in the weather, a climate scientist said on Thursday.
Flying in the face of accepted theory that settled societies emerged from the development of static farming in good climatic conditions that produced food surpluses and allowed specialization, Nick Brooks said the opposite was true.
"Civilization did not arise as the result of a benign environment which allowed humanity to indulge a preference for living in complex, urban civilized societies," he told the annual meeting of the British Association for the Advancement of Science.

Pretty similar no? but here is the last line in the Reuters article:

And he warned against drawing comparisons with the global warming that is predicted to raise average temperatures by around three degrees this century, noting that the temperature rise was well above that which forced the societal change 5,000 years ago.

It's not only what you read...but also where you read it.

And, speaking of Dinosaurs...

Josef Von Teufel: Bibliomancer, Visionary...Silly Man(so says The Blue Drone)

Greetings, adoring public and faithful followers of sideral bibliomancy. I have indeed returned to reveal truths and answer the questions that befuddle all. This week my fingers will caress the pages of XIX Century philosophy and guide your way towards fullness and happiness. And I will achieve this feat despite the fact that this mensch was considered-though not entirely accurately-to be quite the pessimist. Those Germans, and their German ways...but in any case, let us proceed....


Aquarius(Jan 20-Feb 18)
"A good supply of resignation is of the first importance in providing for the journey of life. It is a supply which we shall have to extract from disappointed hopes; and the sooner we do it, the better for the rest of the journey."

---
Your object of affection, I am sorry to say, does not love you back. Move on Aquarius, there are more fish in the sea...that will reject you. Also, Red Sox fans, give up! They're not even making the division championships this year.

Pisces(Feb 19-Mar 20)
"In the sphere of thought, absurdity and perversity remain the masters of the world, and their dominion is suspended only for brief periods."

---
And I suspect that in your case these periods only involve sleep. Cease to watch this "television" and read "Gossip magazines", lest you become an insufferable idiot.

Aries(Mar 21-Apr 19)
"The actual life of a thought lasts only until it reaches the point of speech: there it petrifies and is henceforth dead but indestructible, like the petrified plants and animals of prehistory. As soon as our thinking has found words it ceases to be sincere or at bottom serious. When it begins to exist for others it ceases to live in us, just as the child severs itself from its mother when it enters into its own existence."

---
Shut your trap, if you know what's good for you. Silence...is golden.

Taurus(Apr 20-May 20)
"What makes us almost inevitably ridiculous is our serious way of treating the passing moment, as though it necessarily had all the importance which it seems to have. It is only a few great minds that are above this weakness, and, instead of being laughed at, have come to laugh themselves."

---
It matters not that you have been laid off, slipped on a banana peel, then got hit by a car and suffered 4 compound fractures within a period of 30 minutes. Laugh, even if it is a Pyscho-homicidal laugh.

Gemini(May 21-Jun 21)
"It is just because all happiness is of a negative character that, when we succeed in being perfectly at our ease, we are not properly conscious of it. Everything seems to pass us softly and gently, and hardly to touch us until the moment is over; and then it is the positive feeling of something lacking that tells us of the happiness which has vanished; it is then that we observe that we have failed to hold it fast, and we suffer the pangs of self-reproach as well as of privation."

---
That's the feeling you get when you stop reading Josef Von Teufel's wise words.

Cancer(Jun 22-Jul 22)
"Money is human happiness in the abstract: he, then, who is no longer capable of enjoying human happiness in the concrete devotes his heart entirely to money."

---
Cancer, I care for your happiness in the concrete! Give away your wealth...to me! So as to purchase more, err...volumes of books, yes, that's the ticket.


Leo(Jul 22-Aug 22)
"Many undoubtedly owe their good fortune to the circumstance that they possess a pleasing smile with which they win hearts. Yet these hearts would do better to beware and to learn from Hamlet's tables that one may smile, and smile, and be a villain."

---
She's faking it...you know, in bed.

Virgo(Aug 23-Sep 22)
"Why should it be folly to be always intent on getting the greatest possible enjoyment out of the moment, which is our only sure possession? Our whole life is no more than a magnified present, and in itself as fleeting."
---
Great Outlook on life Virgo, you are a champion and a wise man and will go on to achieve great knowledge and fame. ahem!

Libra(Sep 23-Oct 22)
"It is not without meaning that mythology depicts Cronus as devouring and digesting stones: for that which is otherwise quite indigestible, all affliction, vexation, loss, grief, time alone digests."

---
You once tried to swallow and digest pride along with some heartache, with a side of dejection in a sweet mango sauce. Now had it not been for those stones you were passing you would have pulled it off. This is what you get for trying to imitate a Titan: Gastrointeritis Acuta.

Scorpio(Oct 23-Nov 22)
"If you want to know how you really feel about someone take note of the impression an unexpected letter from him makes on you when you first see it on the doormat."

---
True, but I still think you should reply to those 357 unread messages in your inbox.

Sagittarius(Nov 23-Dec 21)
"Recognise the truth in yourself, recognise yourself in the truth; and in the same moment you will find, to your astonishment, that the home which you have long been looking for in vain, which has filled your most ardent dreams, is there in its entirety, with every detail of it true, in the very place where you stand. It is there that your heaven touches your earth."

---
As your legal and spiritual counsel I advise you to follow this to the letter, mixed with some song and dance...aye.

Capricorn(Dec 22-Jan 19)
"Marriage is a trap which nature sets for us"

---
Ditto.


FIN

Ernesto, you let me down...again

Not only did you fail-miserably by the way-to destroy Florida, but now you are intent on ruining my long weekend with your wind and rain. Now if you had been a real hurricane it would have been at least a bit interesting. But you are only a wimpy depression with lots of rain...meddlesome and irritating, just like a zit on the butt.
All I have to say to you is this: I'm over you, and I don't love you anymore!

Ernesto, you let me down...

If only you had been a Category 5 Hurricane, followed by wild-fires, followed by an earthquake, followed by a tsunami. Only then justice would have been served and Florida would have ceased to exist, to the benefit of humanity and the entire world. Insensitive, cruel?...allow me to elaborate, and ennumerate the main reasons justifying Florida's well deserved demise, and you shall understand, nay! You shall join the righteous camp! :

1. "Gusanos": derogatory term given to (mostly)wealthy Cuban emigrés who fled after the Cuban Revolution of 1959. Rabidly Anti-Castro, reactionary in most political debate. Now, I am no fan of "El Comandante", but through their well documented lobbying efforts they have made life for their fellow Cubans on the island far more miserable, knowingly or unknowingly. Well known to support conservative causes in the political sphere. And mainly responsible for...
2. George W. Bush: Due to the so-called 'mishandling' of the Elián González affair by the Clinton administration, and a fair degree of political maneuvering , most of the Cuban electorate in Florida supported George W. Bush in the 2000 election. We know the story from there. Who knows? Maybe the war in Iraq could have been averted.
3. Miami, The Capital of the Latino Entertainment Industry: Everyday, moronic, imbecilic programming is beamed to millions of households turning normal human beings into vapid, superficial lumpen. Takes the worst material from American and Latin Television and manages to make it even worse. Think 'Fox' without smart shows like the 'Simpsons' and more fake-news programs and brain-killing talk shows.
4. Disney World: Huge mega entertainment complexes designed to brainwash children...and adults into buying crap, and afterwards...buying more crap. People apparently move to Orlando to be closer to the Theme Parks, their Mecca. Off with their heads I say!
5. Florida looks ugly on a map: It's ungainly, and not pleasing to look at, extending like an unnecessary appendage towards the ocean, and disrupting the country's symmetry.

If you have any relatives or loved ones living in Florida, please let them know that they should evacuate soon. Unless they're lumpen of course, then they should perish as well. For, if the Blue Drone has his way, and there any sort of Karmic Justice in the Universe, the area where Florida now lies shall then be known as the:

Cuba-Georgia Passage!

A safe haven for wildlife, free from the meddling of imbeciles. Perhaps in the future Manatees will not need to look for food in Rhode Island. And that, is a beautiful thought...

The Blue Drone gets hippie song stuck in head, forces it upon his unfortunate readers...

Can't...get...it...out. Damn you McCartney!! Damn you!!



Why take advantage of my love for word-play?

You say yes, I say no.
You say stop and I say go go go, oh no.
You say goodbye and I say hello
Hello hello
I don't know why you say goodbye, I say hello
Hello hello
I don't know why you say goodbye, I say hello.
I say high, you say low.
You say why and I say I don't know, oh no.
You say goodbye and I say hello
(Hello Goodbye Hello Goodbye) hello hello
(Hello Goodbye) I don't know why you say goodbye, I say hello
(Hello Goodbye Hello Goodbye) hello hello
(Hello Goodbye) I don't know why you say goodbye
(Hello Goodbye) I say hello.
Why why why why why why do you say goodbye goodbye, oh no?
You say goodbye and I say hello
Hello hello
I don't know why you say goodbye, I say hello
Hello hello
I don't know why you say goodbye, I say hello.
You say yes (I say "yes")
I say no (but I may mean no.)
You say stop (I can stay)
and I say go go go (till it's time to go oh), oh no.
You say goodbye and I say hello
Hello helloI don't know why you say goodbye, I say hello
Hello helloI don't know why you say goodbye, I say Hello
Hello helloI don't know why you say goodbye, I say hello
hello.
Hela heba helloa

I don't get the faux Hawaiian dancers...but it's still a beautiful song with a slight hint at melancholy, I feel.

In any case, it doesn't make me a hippie-wimp. More angry agitprop will come later. When I'm good and ready.

What is going on in Rhode Island?

Last time I checked, a lush tropical paradise it was not. So how can this be explained?:

More tropical fish sighted in R.I. water
NEWPORT, R.I. - An unusually large number of tropical fish have been spotted this summer in Rhode Island waters by divers, fishermen and environmentalists.
Among the fish seen so far: juvenile orange filefish, snowy grouper and lookdowns. A local lobsterman pulled up a large trigger fish in one of his traps.
"We're always catching tropicals during the summer months, but I mean there are a lot more. Probably about double the amount," Jean Bambara, an aquarist at Save the Bay's Exploration Center in Newport, told The Providence Journal.

Endangered Manatee Spotted Off R.I.
WARWICK, R.I. Aug 21, 2006 (AP)— An endangered manatee made a rare appearance in Rhode Island waters during the weekend, a state marine biologist said.
The manatee was seen Sunday in Greenwich Bay off the coast of Warwick. The large marine mammals are usually found only in the warm waters of Florida and the Carolinas. The animal was not spotted Monday.
Manatees eat salt marsh grass, algae and seaweed, said April Valliere, a state marine biologist. Water temperatures have been unusually warm, she said, which probably allowed the manatee to follow food sources so far north.

Hard to believe that there are still some who consider climate change and global warming a fallacy. What's next I ask? What next?

This?!

Related Post here(with music!).

Ultimate Physicist Fighting Championship

-Albert Einstein: "God does not play dice with the universe"

-Niels Bohr: "Who is Einstein to tell the Lord what to do?"

Though the debate originally mainly concerned quantum physics, its metaphysical & even theological implications are unavoidable.

What do you think, my esteemed readers? Does God roll Dice? At the casino? By the alley? At the Rotary Club on Sundays while nursing a warm Budweiser?

Related reading here...& here.

I'll be reciting the mantra below...see if it gives me guidance.

The Blue Drone gets spammed...likes it.

Spam was delivered to the Blue Drone's Work Inbox this morning. After a very brief moment of annoyance, he noticed a series words below a link offering special prices on imitation designer wristwatches. The Blue Drone scoffs at time-keeping devices; time is but an invention of puny little humans and betrays their petty little ambitions of futilely making schedules and re-organizing omnipresent chaos. I chortle at them! And I'll bend time just to toy with their perceptions!
Yet...the words that followed, albeit apparently random, trascended any faux-marketer's bottom line:

ink sac low-living team boatcharity school quasi cultivation treasury warrant two-rowed set up short-distance sea wand queen cat mountain foxtail drain repairer Basonga-mina silk mercer towel gourd pock-fretten soul-wounding gaming contract powder flask filly-folly sapta-matri right-angle drop stitch

I found myself reading them over and over again, until they almost had the tone and melody of a mantra. I certainly will repeat the words this evening, hoping that it will at least help with my insomnia and send me to slumber...or make me purchase a fake Louis Vuitton bag.

The Blue Drone takes a picture of a picture...

Philadelphia, PA. Saturday August 5, 2006. 1:24 p.m.

Tales...Quotes...

I was reading a short story by my friend Viudabella yesterday...you should go read it(En español), good noirish tale...which reminded me a bit of the Third Man, which in turn reminded me of its most famous quote by the character played by Orson Welles, who while still not fat and kooky like we all love him, was well on his way. It went a little something like this:

"Don't be so gloomy. After all it's not that awful. Like the fella says, in Italy for 30 years under the Borgias they had warfare, terror, murder, and bloodshed, but they produced Michelangelo, Leonardo da Vinci, and the Renaissance. In Switzerland they had brotherly love - they had 500 years of democracy and peace, and what did that produce? The cuckoo clock. "

A bit disturbing, yet it contains a grain of truth. Case in point: Sweden. A country that save for Ingmar Bergman has only produced very very awful pop music bands...and IKEA.

The Blue Drone Asks:

Sensei.
How can one be able to achieve the rank of Psychic Ninja Master when one's trait of transparency in thought and action serves more as a burden than an ability? Should one learn surreptitious, shrouded, and concealed ways? The fate of the world rests on your wise counsel.
On this I shall meditate under the Bohdi Tree as I wait for your answer, Sensei.

Naaah...Bohdi Tree is too far away, an elm will do.

On Goth Night...and other linguistic missteps.

"Schadenfreude! Schadenfreude! Ja!" was one of the running jokes at the bar, spoken in a faux "Dieter from SNL" tone... "Ja Ich bin expert in den Schadenfreude Ja". I had experienced this Schadenfreude once or twice before... pleasure from the pain of others, yes, I must admit...I am a human-drone after all, and there is a certain aspect of karmic justice within it when it involves those who have wronged you. As Mel Brooks is quoted as saying: "Tragedy is when I cut my finger, comedy is when you fall into an open sewer and die."
'Schadenfreude', also happens to be the name given to Goth Night at a nearby bar conveniently located on the way to my house.
Two nights ago...
I had finished tackling a crossword puzzle that WAS meant to be finished...I sipped on my 'High Life'-how it came to be known as 'The Champagne of Beers' still boggles my mind-and took two final drags off my cigarette, bent on leaving the still-empty bar to look for, how should I put it, greener pastures?
After visiting some fine establishments along the way, I decided to call it an early night and head home...but something lured me into this "Schadenfreude Goth Night"...mayhaps it was the chance for one last drink before I lay to an early slumber...mayhaps it was my restlessness.
It was dark, of course...and nobody smiles. A tall skinny pale guy stands near the stage, bad haircut, bad tattoos...he is not happy, he is not even content with his task of repeatedly hitting the electronic drum-kit in the same beat. Close to him stands another who goes through the same motions, and who, unsurprisingly looks just like him, except he has a better elecronic drum-kit. He also looks unhappy.
Strangely enough, their sadness enlightens me not. Am I not supposed to feel pleasure at their seeming displeasure? Yet it still eluded me.
I pace, lean by the bar and glance at another who nurses a drink and plays with her necklace twisting it around her fingers...dour, beaten expression in her face. She is very sad. And I am still not happy.
And why goth? Gothic perhaps, but not goth. Black lace and bad taste in clothes and music a goth does not make. I refuse to compare the people who conquered and settled large swaths of the former Western AND Eastern Roman Empires with the people who conquered...uhm, well... 'Hot Topic'! A group of helmeted barbarians dancing while wearing leather armor and swinging their maces and swords...that I'd pay money to see.
I look at the bartender. At this point I decide that I do not really need another drink. She looks tired, and very un-goth like. She is not having a good time. And I am still not happy; worse yet, I feel empathy for this service employee...and share her dissatisfaction at such a mediocre example of a "theme" night. My efforts have surely backfired. And I remember that the only people smiling were the two that relieved me of five dollars at the door. I'd been had, I'd been Schadenfreud'ed!!!
After a short time, I decide that the remainder of my night out is better spent buying some groceries at Safeway and end up dining on sweet green peppercorn salami with swiss cheese on a baguette...a pleasure, and one that did not depend on the pain of others, save the pig, the dairy cow, and the underpaid bakery employees. Now THAT is Schadenfreude.

The Blue Drone says:

It's better just to fantasize about feeding your good-for-nothing, imbecilic overseers to a pack of sex-starved baboons and hungry hyenas rather than actually doing it.
...They might give the poor beasts one serious indigestion/infection.

Upset...Angry? Me? Never!!

NOTE: This has nothing to do with current events...you know, over there...

The Blue Drone says...

Some crossword puzzles are just not meant to be finished.

El Zángano Azul dice...

Si empiezas a sentirte como 'Pepe le Pew', significa que debes desistir en tu empresa.

No, en serio, desiste...

Zidane & the Mideast Crisis...

Reading Estruendomudo's article on this Egalité, Fraternité, Liberté deal we all talk about so much in Fútbol and in other matters got me thinking, and I was forced to research the issue further. I found this while reading this morning's ever enlightening news:

A member of Lebanese Hizbollah Shi'ite group guards the entrance of the group's television station, al-Manar, following an Israeli air raid in Beirut July 13, 2006.

Do not let the caption fool you. This man is not incensed by the recent attacks in Southern Lebanon by Israel, including the airport near Beirut today. He is brandishing his AK-47 and wearing his Real Madrid jersey in indignation following the Zidane debacle in the World Cup. Yes, sports bring us together...just not in the ways we expect.

Guns in the air* : A Lebanese woman, brandishing guns, celebrates in Beirut's southern suburbs after pro-Iranian Hezbollah fighters captured two Israeli soldiers in south Lebanon.

Just as infuriated is this gentle old grandmother, who promised "To put a cap in that punk-bitch referee's ass! Inshalla!" seconds before going into this refrain:

*It go guns in the air, guns in the air

Us thugged out niggaz keep our guns in the air

Guns in the air, guns in the air

Us m.u. niggaz keep our guns in the air, what?

[n] bout to lock the whole shit down, so holla at the dog

[n] bout to lock the whole shit down, so holla at the dog

Aiyyo guns in the air, guns in the air

Us grimy-ass niggaz keep our guns in the air, what?

Terrorific!

A Lebanese citizen gestures near the ruined Qasmiya Bridge near Tyre in south Lebanon shortly after being bombed by Israeli warplanes July 12, 2006.

Now they've really got Hizbollah! There is no better way to deal with the 'terrorists' than blowing up bridges! I mean, blowing up the Terrorist Bridges of Deadly Horror!

The Qassmieh bridge is seen destroyed after Israeli warplanes targeted it, on the main north-south highway, southern Lebanon, Wednesday, July 12, 2006

God forbid not destroying those bridges! Who knows, a terrorist might just walk, drive even, over it!

Lebanese men inspect a bridge damaged by Israeli waplanes near the village of Kfar Rouman in south Lebanon, Wednesday July 12, 2006.

Those two are probably terrorists as well, trying to fix the integrated anti-semite rockets laden with explosive bacon that obviously were well hidden in the terrorist bridge!

Aw heck! Might as well enjoy the show, my taxes partly paid for it anyway...

Smoke rises after Israeli jets fired missile on the village of Rachaya Al-Fokah near Chibaa in south Lebanon

Ooooohhhh...Pretty pretty explosions. That's awesome duude!

An Israeli mobile artillery piece fires towards southern Lebanon near the Israeli army post of Zaura Wednesday July 12, 2006.

That's some Righteous Firepower!

The Blue Drone Says: Sports Edition

-On Zidane: Head Butts R Ok. I shall make bumper stickers with the phrase, get rich and ditch the Hive for good.

-On Maserati, Mazzerati or whatever his name is: He's an imbecile.

'Materazzi admitted he insulted Zidane before the France captain head-butted him, but denied calling him a ''terrorist.''
''I did insult him, it's true,'' Materazzi said in Tuesday's Gazzetta dello Sport. ''But I categorically did not call him a terrorist. I'm not cultured and I don't even know what an Islamic terrorist is.''

-On deciding a World Championship via Penalty Shootout: Stupid stupid...like deciding an NBA championship via marbles shootout, or a tied baseball game via Badminton deathmatch.

-On crybaby fútbol players who fake injuries on the field: They should each be repeatedly beaned by 98-101 mph fastballs...now that's pain bitch!

-On the MLB All-Star Game: Nobody cares about the All-Star game.

-On Kittens: kittens r so cuute! Who's a cute little kitty, yes u are!!!

Ok, maybe the last one isn't really related to sports...

Vive le Hot Dog!

Measure.

Alan could tell distance, length, height, width, inseam, you name it, by a mere cursory glance at any person, object or animal. He would hold his thumb and forefinger at precisely one inch from each other and would go on to say: "This, this is how it all got started that day when I placed these two fingers on that Westcott ruler. I was but a child, but now, as I stand 37 & 3/8ths of an inch in front of you, I can finally say that I am the Master of Measure."
His friends advised him that he should become an interior designer or a surveyor, but instead, he preferred to observe the anoles on the trees and measure their tails from afar, along with tree's height, and the width of its leaves.
Time passed and Alan realized that he could not really make a living from watching and measuring the local flora & fauna. Seeing that measuring was his only skill, he decided to travel abroad in search of fame and fortune. Unfortunately, he chose France as his destination, and it proved his undoing. Confident of his abilities he took a job as a tailor's assistant in the town of Nimes. Alas, his stroke of luck was very short lived, as he found out on the first work-day. When asked for the length of a certain piece of very expensive corduroy, he swiftly answered: "But of course, it's 3 yards and 2/5ths", which produced only blank stares from the tailor and the customer. Alan was an expert measurer, no doubt, yet he could not measure using the metric system, and for all intents and purposes, he was speaking Sanskrit to the Frenchmen.
He tried to use his fingers..."See, this is one inch, this times 36 is one yard, it's all quite easy you know".
All his efforts were in vain.
The tailor was a kind and understanding man, and tried to teach Alan the metric system, but it seemed that the very same gift that Alan had for inches, feet & yards made it impossible for him to learn about millimeters or centimeters. Many months passed, and the tailor-not being well off himself-was inevitably forced to dismiss Alan, who then wandered eastward, all the while muttering to himself: "this is one inch, it's easy...this is one inch, it's easy", over and over again, until it reached the point that his hands became atrophied in the "one inch" position. He travelled as far as Moldova, where he was eventually taken in by a group of itinerant Roma who showcased him until old age as "The Crazy Gadje with the Claw Hands".

FIN

Dead Music

In memoriam of one the best bands that is no longer around. Hefner was a quirky, funny experiment in the late 90's early 00's by some former art students from jolly old England. Compared by some to Belle & Sebastian, but not as cutesy, with a rawer sound and sometimes absurdist lyrics that usually involved vice, girls, & a bit of politics, but not necessarily in that order.
Why is it that the better bands usually dissapear when they're most needed...? Perhaps some are destined to such fates, rather than just burn out into mediocrity.
They had some of the best song titles around, among them the "Hymn Series":
-The Hymn for the Cigarettes
-The Hymn for the Alcohol
-The Hymn for the Postal Service(not the band)
-The Hymn for the Coffee

And some of the best album artwork:

Here's the video(not embeddable) for 'Christian Girls', the sound is not the best but it's still listenable...

Or watch the one for "Good Fruit" here, and thus ends my first post in English.
Yikes!

Premiados...

He aquí los premios para los ganadores del trivia de hace dos posts... Permitamos que nuestro modelo oficial, El Sr. Wittgenstein, presente oficialmente los premios:

Für die Caribische mädchen, wer einen schweriges frage antwortet hat:

"They're back, and this time they're really stewed"

Und für Morituri, wer die "Lot Lizards" wirklich kennst:

"May the Schwartz be with you"

Danke Schön Blau Dröhnen!

No no, gracias a tí Ludwig.